if you would have told me 33 years ago how much I would dislike this day, getting older,
I would of said you were crazy
reminding you of how impatient I was to be 16, let alone to turn 18…finally.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I would not only be a painter
but it would take me so much further than I could of dreamed,
I would of laughed.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
how much I would love music, art, design and movies
I would of agreed.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
how much my life would revolve around fashion,
I would have laughed hysterically, reminding you of how I never wore dresses.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I would marry my husband when we were both young,
and be more in love with him in the past year, and deeper everyday,
than what I never would of dreamed,
I would of asked you if you had had a bit of crazy for breakfast.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
to listen and pay attention more during math class,
because my life would revolve around if,
I would of rolled my eyes….I hate math.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
just how hard the past four years of our lives would be,
I would have thought that all of it was impossible.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I would be slightly addicted to coffee and chai tea,
I would of told you that is something old people drink with pie.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
about the amazing relationships I would make through a little thing called ‘blogging’,
I would have asked you what the heck that is…blogging.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I really should take good care of my skin,
I really, really should of listened.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that jr. high drama will still exist in your thirties and be insane,
I would have asked you why can’t people grow up.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
how self conscious I can be and how nauseating and never racking social events would be,
I would not have been able to comprehend why, until now.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that my husband would be the one to actually show me the beginnings of how to cook,
I would of thought you had lost it.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
how meaningful and easy my relationships are with a handful of people I grew up with,
and how tightly to hold on to them and not let them go,
I would of taken it to heart.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that we would find the perfect church home just two short years ago
(God knows how much I hate change),
the amazing relationships we have developed there,
and how we can actually feel Him working in our lives,
I should of (even though I wouldn’t of) stopped and listened.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that it is better for me to have a very few, meaningful friendships, which I am extremely grateful for,
than have a huge number of ‘friends’ and have no depth at all,
I would of needed to remembered this years down the line.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I would actually forget how old I was when I was twenty-nine,
only to be reminded by my oldest,
I would of said in my sassy tone that that is impossible.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I would have kids at a young age,
and it would be the very best thing that has happened to me, besides the hubs,
I would of probably told you that you were wrong, that wasn’t my master plan.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that when I began DIY and working with paper, it was as a means to save/make money,
and soon I would get a kick out of it and fall in love with it,
I would have asked what the heck DIY is.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that I would have three offspring,
and they would make me laugh and cry,
frustrated and joyful,
feel so young at times and so, so old at other times,
how much I can see myself and the hubs in all of them,
I would of asked you if you were mentally ok.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
how much would I love being a mom,
how I never let my kids sleep with me, but I have given in with my youngest, because I realize how insanely fast they grow up, and it breaks me,
to the point of tears, to think of it,
how much of a mama bear and over-proctive I have become in the past few years,
how I have realized it’s more important to be a mom and not a friend,
that I can never say ‘I love you’ enough to them…even when they roll their eyes,
how much it means to still hug them….tightly, even if it is embarrassing,
how important it is for me to be there for them, all day, even though I could have ‘normal’ job, and we could have more money, I could never trade that,
how when they cry with their troubles, I cry with them and just want to rescue them,
how much I miss, really really miss, them being little and hate how time flies,
how all that I want to do is make them happy, full of laughter, self confident,
and have the best childhood memories,
I would still be in shock that you told me I would be toting around three offspring.
If you would of told me 33 years ago
how much, if not even more so, I wear my heart on my sleeve and cry
at the drop of a hat,
I would of told you in my sarcastic way, that I am not a baby…just ultra-sensitive.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
how much I love being a wife,
that my life revolves around him,
how hard he can make me laugh,
how truly happy he makes me,
how I still get chills when he reaches out for me,
how my heart skips when calls,
how I am always hoping it is him when the phone rings,
how through tragedy and rough times, it is him I need, and how we
grow stronger through trials,
how truly thankful that God has placed him in my life,
how deeply I love him,
I would have asked who this mushy person was, and where did she come from.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that we would lose just about all that we had in a house fire, except each other,
and I would have a weird sense of calm come over me that only God and husband could provide, for the very first time, all while being at my breaking point,
I would not have been able to understand this.
if you would of told me 33 years ago
that even though I don’t want to get older, even by a day,
I would not have changed anything. at all. it has all happened for reason,
and I am better because of it,
I would smile knowing that I have had the best 33 years I could of asked for.