It’s in the late night hours that your mind begins to swirl……
There are post that you can put out in no time at all
and others mull around in the emptiness that is your head for the past week…
I knew I wasn’t the only one who’s emotions were stirring.
It’s been a long week of heartache for all.
The Gosnell trial, which I just can’t stand to keep up with anymore,
The Boston Marathon,
The explosion in West, Texas…not too far away from where we are,
and the kicker was a loss in our own family.
It’s almost been a numbing feeling all week…..just floating through, to make it till the end.
We have talked many, many times, mainly in our car drives, about what is going on around us.
14, 10 and 6. and it’s amazing how much they get of everything that has happened.
We talked about Boston, and how incredibly sad it was, how someone could really do that….intentionally hurt people.
The explosion with more lives lost, why would that happen, how could it?
The loss of my husbands first cousin, in a tragic accident….why why why. so young.
so incredibly hard.
the fourteen year old had said, one night when we were in conversation about these things,
‘it’s kind of weird, you know? it’s like a dream that this all has happened, it doesn’t seem real. like when you hear of someone else dying in someone else’s family, you are really sad and hurt for them. But when it happens to you, it doesn’t seem real…it’s like your numb….’
We have been bouncing around through all of these subjects on everything that is going on, and trying to make sense of it, now that they do get it.
there is evil in the world, bad things do happen…to good people.
I guess it finally caught up with me this afternoon, and I lost it.
I sliped on one of the very few shirts I had thought I had recovered from the fire, to head to the visitation with the husbands family,
only to discover it had a massive hole burned through the arm.
and I was incredibly mad, with tears welling up.
repeatedly through my head was that my kids should not be having to deal with all of this right now,
I shouldn’t have to explain all of these things over and over,
they are still to young to know that things to this level can happen,
why don’t I ever remember things like this from when I was younger.
no kids anywhere should be having to see and deal with what all is going on around us all.
crying I find something else to put on and pick up the little humans.
we talk about God this afternoon and how we just need to pray for everyone, thats the best thing we can give everyone right now.
It wasn’t until bedtime that a lightbulb came on, from the wisdom of a 6 year old.
she said ‘why are people so sad when you die? I would be happy and want everyone else happy, cause I get to be with everyone we can’t see anymore and Jesus and God in Heaven. It’s suppose to be the best place on earth. I bet they have ice cream all the time.’
Here I was crying out of frustration about a shirt and the loss of life (and again while I type),
and the kindergartener talks about it with a clear understanding.
It is so hard to grasp the loss of life and rejoice about it, after all the bad and the why’s that we have…
‘No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there’s something in each day to embrace and cherish. There’s something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy….if only we see it and appreciate it.’
~Dieter F. Uchtdorf